What If?!!!

Sophia is now 16 months old and growing fast. It seems like every time I turn around she's getting taller, or saying a new word or just doing something that reminds me that she's maturing. With every little growth spurt comes a new found independence for my little peanut and I can't say that I'm handling it too well. I'm one of those first-time mothers that, pretty much, worries about everything under the sun when it comes to my child. Sophia is one of those children who wants to do everything on her own, with practically no help from anyone and the older she gets, the more intolerant she becomes of those trying to help her.

This independence thing is hard enough to deal with but when it's coupled with the finicky eating thing and the "I-want-to-do-what-I-want-to-do-without-any-help-from-you" tantrums, well lets just say my nerves are pretty much on edge. I go through all the "what ifs" as I'm sure many first-time parents do..."what if she's got behavioral issues?" or "what if I'm not disciplining her properly?" or "what if I'm enabling her and reinforcing her bad behavior?" or my personal favorite "what if this isn't just a phase?"....what if?....what if?....what it? You could drive yourself crazy thinking about all the "what ifs" and not having any answers. I told myself that when Sophie was born, I would not be one of those parents that smothered my child or worried about every little thing...BUT I AM! I mean, don't get me wrong, I don't call my babysitter a hundred times a day but I can be a bit doting at times.

I'm so excited about watching Sophia grow; I'm overjoyed when she says a new word or does something that she's never done before...I live vicariously through my child. However, I worry everyday about her safety, about her growth and whether I'm doing what I need to do as a parent to ensure that she is being raised properly. As great as it is to be a parent, it is equally as terrifying to have the responsibility because, for me, I'm always worried that I'm doing something that will ruin my child's future. All my friends who have been parents longer than Tom and I, constantly tell us not to worry; they spit that favorite "children don't come with manuals" line at us...a mantra that we have come to respect and repeat whenever we are having doubts. Thank God for all our friends and family who have suffered patiently through all of our questions and irrational fears and offered support and pieces of advice that have guided us along the way.

I have come to learn, or shall I say, I am continually learning to try to relax and enjoy my baby girl. While I know raising her is and will not always be easy, the joy comes from knowing that I, with the help of my hubby, have created this beautiful little girl who, with our help, will one day become a beautiful woman. She will have the whole world to explore and will do marvelous things with the tools we give her today. We will make mistakes (hopefully not too huge) and we will learn from those mistakes and we will continue to heed the advice we receive from those we trust and take it day by day.